Loving You (Alpha Hero Book 1) Read online

  “Since the moment I woke up unable to see, that’s the only feeling I’ve had… being closed in.” I grimace and as soon as the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. All it makes me feel is that I’m weak. And I’m not weak. “All right, let’s do this…”

  I start walking slowly and her soft voice fills my ear. “Take it slow. We’re not in any rush.”

  I bang the cane against the walls of the hallway and by the way it hits them I can tell how many doors I’ve passed. When I get to my room, I stop. I turn and slowly enter the room and I swear I’m breathing hard like I just ran a marathon. Jane claps her hands again and I can’t help but smile. The action feels weird and unusual on my face. Immediately, I let the smile fall.

  “Okay, what do you normally do to prepare for a shower?”

  “Uh, grab a towel.”

  I point to where I think the linen closet is and then walk over to it, opening it and grabbing a towel.

  “You’re doing awesome, Mack. Okay, how about clothes for after the shower?”

  “No… I usually come back into the bedroom and get dressed.”

  She coughs a little. “Uh… okay, well, let’s go ahead and lay the clothes on the bed so you can find them afterwards.”

  She helps me pick out clothes and lay them on the bed. She follows me into the bathroom and she must notice me stroking my unshaven face.

  “Do you want to shave?”

  “God, yes!” I tell her. I’m used to being clean shaven and I can’t stand the roughness of my beard.

  “Okay, how about I shave you today and go over a few things and then you try it on your own tomorrow?”

  Nodding my head at her, I tell her where everything is. When she’s about to start, she asks me for a stool. I tell her where I have one and she tells me she’ll be right back.

  I pull off my shirt and throw it toward where the hamper is. Who knows if I made it or not.

  I hear her footsteps treading lightly on the hard wood floor of the hallway and then the carpeted bedroom. A tiny gasp fills the bathroom, making me question if I should have taken my shirt off or not. When I’m about to question her, she tells me she’s putting a stool next to my feet and she turns me back around.

  Her soothing voice fills the room, but there’s a static charge to it. It’s lower, almost husky, and I concentrate on it.

  She tells me every step she makes. She turns on the electric razor. “Okay, you want to hold the razor in one hand and use your other hand to guide you.”

  She touches my face gently. I want to tell her she can be firmer, but I’m enjoying her touch. Damn, I wish I could see her. Her body sways against me as she moves across my face, and I hold myself as steady as possible, waiting for each caress.

  The feel of her soft curves is my undoing. It’s the first time I haven’t felt numb since I woke up in that damn hospital. Her large breasts press into the side of my arm as she moves the razor across my face. She’s talked to me the whole time, instructing me, telling me how to do this or that, but if I’m being honest, I don’t have a fucking clue what she’s said. My whole attention is focused on her body.

  When I hear her small scream and she grabs onto my shoulder with one arm, I instinctively grab on to her. I’m holding onto her and I know it’s wildly inappropriate because I’m pretty sure I’m holding her ass in one hand and the side of her boob in the other.

  Her hot breath is on my chest and she tries to pull away, but I don’t let her. Somehow, she must have held on to the razor, because she shuts it off. “I’m so sorry. I lost my balance on the stool.”

  I know I’m an ass, but I squeeze my hands, molding them into her soft curves. She gasps and I barely restrain myself from squeezing again. I can feel my body reacting to her and relief fills me. I had wondered if everything was still in working order or not. Even in the hospital when the nurses sponge-bathed me, there was no reaction. Well, now, my body is burning up and I can feel my cock thickening in my jeans. “It’s okay.”

  She pulls away from me, and after making sure she’s steady, I reluctantly let her go. She quickly finishes shaving me and goes through all the information to help me shower. She rushes out of the bathroom then and I know I should have apologized to her. Plus, fuck, I’m sure she doesn’t want some blind man groping her. Hell, she could be married for all I know. Fuck.

  4

  Jane

  I run from the room but stop myself when I get to the hallway. I know that regardless of the feelings I have coursing through my veins, I need to make sure I’m close by to help him if he needs it.

  I walk back into the bedroom and listen to the shower running in the next room. When I walked in and he’d taken his shirt off, I almost demanded he put it back on. But instead, I sucked it up and tried to be professional. I mean, it makes sense for him to take his shirt off before he shaves. But when I got my first glance of his muscled chest and the tattoos on his shoulders, I could feel my panties melting in my scrubs. My heart was racing and even now, it feels like it’s going to beat through my chest. But that’s probably because when I was about to fall and he caught me with his rough hands on me, it took everything in me to pull out of his embrace.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I get lost in thought until it comes to mind that he’s been in there for a long time.

  I knock on the door. “Mack, you okay?”

  “God, yes!” he groans.

  Alarmed, I put my hand on the knob. “You don’t sound okay. I’m coming in.”

  “No! Don’t come in.” His voice is husky and filled with emotion.

  I am about to open the door until I listen closely and a thought fills my head. He’s jacking off in the shower. Images of his hand wrapped around his girth and water sluicing down his body fills my mind. The noises are now obviously from his jacking motions in the wet shower. I press my ear to the door and think, Surely he’s not doing that. Not with me standing right out here.

  I know right when he comes. His groan is loud and it’s like a grizzly bear is behind the door. And right before the groan ends, I hear him mutter my name. “Jane.”

  My heart stops and my hand covers my mouth. Oh my God, was he jacking off because of me? No way. I look down at my full figure in my hot pink scrubs. There’s no way that was meant for me. But maybe. He doesn’t know what I look like… maybe.

  I hear him flip the shower off and I move away from the door. When I hear him get out safely, I walk into the hallway and close the door until there’s only a crack left in case he needs me.

  I try to control my ragged breaths. I try to convince myself that I didn’t just hear what I thought I heard, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. The sound of my name as he grunted it is forever engrained into my head. I’m leaning with my head against the wall in the hallway when I hear the cane hit the door, and then it opens.

  “You…” I clear my throat. “You doing okay?”

  His cheeks are ruddy, but it could be because he just got out of the shower. “Never better. Now what’s the plan, boss?”

  Mack

  I know she heard me in the shower. I know because her once friendly self is now a little restrained. And she hasn’t touched me once. Not to help guide me, not when she hands me the cane, nothing.

  She goes through helping me make food, knowing where everything is arranged, and everything else, but I can tell it’s awkward for her.

  Finally, when she’s gone on and on about doing laundry, I finally stop her. “Jane, I’m sorry. About what happened in the bathroom…”

  She stutters, “Uh, yeah, uh.”

  I start to reach out for her and then drop my hand at the last minute. “I shouldn’t have touched you like that…”

  I know I have the whole shower scene to apologize for, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Hell, it’s the best release I’ve had in a long time.

  “No, you caught me. It wasn’t your fault where your hands landed. No need to apologize at all.”

  I wish I could see her f
ace. I wish I knew if she was blond, brown or red-headed. I wish I could see the curves I felt. “Well, I apologize. Uh, so, do you have someone at home that I should be apologizing to?”

  She doesn’t say anything for a minute and I wonder if I’ve pressed my luck. When she does finally answer me, she tells me softly, “Uh, no, no one.”

  It should relieve me, but it doesn’t. I don’t know anything about her and I want to know it all.

  The rest of the day she seems more relaxed, but she still doesn’t touch me. And I’m really wishing she would talk to me about herself, but she is pretty focused on making sure I’m okay.

  The doorbell rings and I hear her stand up. “That’s probably the night shift.”

  I hold my hands up. “Wait, you’re not staying?”

  I can feel her gaze piercing me. “No, uh, I work days and you have someone come in at night to stay and help. But don’t worry. I know Josh. He’ll help you, but he’ll also stay out of your way.”

  I reach out and thankfully, I grab her hand instead of something else and stop her. “But I want you to stay.”

  Her hand squeezes mine before she gently releases it. “I can’t, I’m sorry. But I’ll be here early in the morning.”

  When she releases me, a coldness goes through me. I hear her talking to someone and she briefly introduces us before leaving.

  Josh comes over and sits on the chair across from me, the coils creaking under his weight. He asks me, “So have you had dinner?”

  Ignoring his question, I ask him one instead. “Tell me about Jane.”

  He doesn’t answer and I’m sure I’ve caught him off-guard. “I want to know everything, Josh. What does she look like, how long she’s been a nurse, anything and everything.”

  He cracks his knuckles. “Well, she has brown hair. She’s short, like really short. She’s pretty. She has been a nurse for just a few years…”

  I listen to him go on about Jane and a feeling of possessiveness fills me. I start counting down until I see her again.

  5

  Jane

  I could barely sleep last night. I finally fell asleep around one this morning and then woke up with a start at five. I don’t have to be at Mack’s house until seven, but already, I’m sitting in his driveway questioning if I should just go on in and relieve Josh.

  To be honest, I hated leaving him. I already feel an attachment to him and I know that’s not good. But here I am, ready for work.

  I send Josh a text and explain I’m outside if he wants to leave early.

  Not a minute later, Josh is walking out the door and Mack is standing in the doorway behind him.

  When Josh gets to me, he stops. “When he found out you were here, he kicked me out.”

  Surprised, I look up at Mack, and although he can’t see me, I can tell he’s trying to seek me out.

  “See you tonight,” Josh tells me and I tell him bye before walking up the steps of the porch.

  I stop before I reach Mack. “Hey.”

  “Hey, Jane. Come on in.” He stands to the side and I have to brush against him when I walk through the doorway. Whether he planned it that way or not, I don’t know. But I feel his swift intake of breath as I pass him.

  I go straight to the kitchen and explain to him that today we’re working on cooking. I dive right in. At least now that I’m here, I finally feel at ease again.

  I tell him what I’m doing as I grab everything out of the fridge. Explain to him how we are going to sort it so that everything has its place. But I still have to ask him, “Did you sleep okay last night?”

  He’s leaning against the counter and he has dark circles under his eyes. “No, not really. How about you?”

  Stumped by the question, I almost answer him honestly. I didn’t sleep well at all. Every thought I’ve had since I walked out of here yesterday has been of him. But instead I lie to him. “I slept good.”

  I continue what I’m doing, teaching him where everything is and how to find it, organizing as I go. His closeness is almost unbearable, but I try not to let him know it fazes me. I’m in the middle of showing him how to fry an egg when the doorbell rings.

  Pulling the pan off the stove, he says to me, “I’ll get it. It’s probably April.”

  My mouth drops open and jealousy takes over. I should have known that he had a girlfriend. I watch as he uses the cane and walks to the front door. When he opens it, he opens his arms and I watch as the blond, shapely woman walks into them.

  My gut wrenches. His hand is on the back of her head and he’s holding her to his chest. I look away because it’s obvious they’re sharing a private moment. I have so many questions. Where has she been? Why hasn’t she been to see him before now?

  I finish cooking and plate the food. I know that nobody likes cold eggs, but I’m not going to interrupt them. The kitchen is open and I know that they’re going to see me here, so I try to make myself busy. At least until Mack calls my name.

  When I walk over to them, I try to have a smile on my face. I stop next to Mack and he slides his arm around my waist. I want to smile, because already his senses are improving, but I also know I don’t want to be a part of whatever game he’s playing. Is he trying to make April jealous? “April, this is Jane. Jane, April.”

  I take a step to shake her hand, but his hand on my hip stops me. My face heats as April looks between us and smiles before stepping toward me and shaking my hand.

  I pull away from him and ask if they need anything, telling them I’m going to work in the kitchen while they visit.

  April just smiles at me knowingly and I almost feel that I should apologize, that maybe I hurt Mack’s feelings by the look on his face. But then I think better of it.

  He reaches out and April grabs on to his hand. “No, we don’t need anything. But you don’t have to work. Come visit with us.”

  “Yes, I would love to get to know you,” April says. I look her straight in the eyes, wondering if she’s being for real or not. I don’t see an ounce of jealousy on her face, so she must be very secure in their relationship.

  Which is good, but then now I’m second-guessing everything I thought I heard from the shower yesterday.

  I watch them walk toward the living room and I go back to the kitchen, doing my best not to eavesdrop. When I can still hear them talking, I get out my ear buds and finish organizing.

  Mack

  The visit with April went better than I expected. I knew that she and Allen have had a rough time lately, but I also know that no matter what, she still loves him.

  I hold my hands in my lap. “I still don’t know what happened, April. But I hope you know, that if there was any way I could have saved him, I would have.”

  She laughs and it’s a strange sound coming from her. “Mack, I know that. You were his best friend. You loved him. I know that you would have done anything, even risking your own life if you had to.” She reaches over and covers my hands with hers. “I’m wondering if that’s what may have happened. You were found without your helmet on and I know that’s not like you. If nothing else, you’re meticulous about being in full uniform. We may never know what happened… but I will never doubt you did your best.”

  She squeezes my hand and I reach up to wipe a tear from my cheek. “I’m supposed to be the one consoling you, April.”

  She pulls back then and I can tell that what she’s about to say is rough. “I’ve had longer to deal with it. You were out of it for a few days. But also, you have to know that Allen and I, well, let’s just say I knew about his extracurricular activities. We were working on it, but I’ll just leave it that I will always love him.”

  She blows a breath out. The silence fills the room and I don’t know what to say to her. She’s tried to relieve my guilt, but even that makes me feel guilty.

  She claps her hands together softly. “Let’s talk about you and Jane.”

  I tilt my head to the side. “What about her?”

  I slide to the end of my seat.

&nb
sp; I can hear the smile in her voice. “Did you not see her when we were hugging?” But then instantly, she’s apologizing. “Oh my God, Mack, of course you didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

  I wave it off. “No, no, don’t be sorry. I’m still getting used to it myself. What do you mean, did I see her? What did she do?”

  She hesitates, but it sounds like she leans closer and she tells me quietly, “I’m sure this is going against girl code or whatever, but she’s totally into you. Her eyes were green with jealousy.”

  I interrupt her. “Are her eyes green?”

  For the next thirty minutes, I have April tell me everything about Jane—well, at least everything about the way she looks.

  When it’s finally time for her to go, I walk with her to the front door, passing by the kitchen. April leans in close. “She’s listening to music if the way she’s dancing in the kitchen is any indication.”

  I nod my head and bring my finger to my lips, telling her to be quiet. I follow behind her, trying to quietly walk with my cane. When she walks out the door, I backtrack to the kitchen and just stand there. I may not be able to see her, but I can hear her. I can hear her feet swaying back and forth and every now and then she sings a few words. It’s a popular song, one about love lost.

  I slide my feet into the room. Her warmth is pulling me in, dragging me closer to her. I know exactly when she realizes I’m here. She freezes and then turns around, her long hair whipping across my face.